Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
