Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
