You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
