Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
