how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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