singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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