The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
