My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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