I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
