The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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