Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
