1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
