He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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