oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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