You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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