She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
