Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
