Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
