stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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