I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
