hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
