Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
