Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
