I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
