well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
