Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
