You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
