I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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