the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Everything about him screamed your future.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
