i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
