so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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