mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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