Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
