Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
