I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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