dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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