Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
