That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
