NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
