I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize