At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
