I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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