Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
