there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
