Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
