good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
