Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Betty ford says i'm here all night
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
