Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
