I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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