Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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