if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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