Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
