Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
