today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
