she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
