sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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