I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
