Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize