girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
