my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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