I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
